Our Story

Our daughter was born on November 19th 2023 at 3:43pm. I carried her for the entirety of her time on this earth. She was 4 months, 1 week, and 2 days old, weighing 2.6 oz and 5 ¾ inches long. Her name is Rylie Diane Reed.

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 Our baby girl had a very rare condition called anencephaly, this is when the neural tube does not fully close and the skull and/or brain do not fully develop. Otherwise she was perfect in every way. Ten little fingers, ten tiny toes, and the cutest little butt I’ve ever seen. She even had fingernails which just amazed me. I was wrapped around those tiny fingers from the day she was conceived. She had her daddy’s palette which had me eating more spicy food in those 4 months than I have in my entire life and she loved pancake syrup and 7up, which mama typically hates. I would of done anything for her. I’d have taken her place if God had allowed. I still would given the chance. Much also like mom and dad, she was stubborn. Every appointment was a struggle to get her picture or heartbeat. She’d just roll over like “na I don’t think so. Quit poking me, I’m trying to sleep here”. It made us and the doctors laugh. I never got to feel her kick but man was this little girl strong, she waited to join the angels until she could give mom and dad a final heartbeat reading on the Doppler. Not 10 minutes later our midwife could not feel a cord pulse. I developed an infection and it was at this time that I was in danger and was induced.

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We were able to hold our daughter for the rest of the day and the following morning. Creating a lifetime of memories in less than 24 hours. Family and friends spent time with the 3 of us as we prepared to do the hardest thing I’ve done in my entire life. Let her go. I’ll always carry her in my heart. I have the cutest angel in heaven, I keep telling myself. But the act of placing my 2.6oz baby in what was a hand sewn and very pretty but ultimately, a casket and watching the funeral director carry her away was …. shattering.

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If I did not have Nathan by my side it would of broken me. This amazing, compassionate, patient and loving man has held me up and kept me whole. Not only has he let me lean on him throughout the toughest of times but he’s able to lean on me in his own grief which allows me to feel my own strength from time to time. Carrying a plant out of the hospital instead of our baby, we felt cheated. Hearing children say mommy and daddy in stores, restaurants and on the streets has been heartbreaking. Trying to find a photo album on Thanksgiving was beyond frustrating. Organizing our baby’s photo album based on morbidity felt unfair and cruel. Bringing home our baby in an urn was devastating.

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I’m extremely blessed to have the partner, family, and friends in my life that I do. The random texts, phone calls, and invitations to leave the house became a lifeline for me to not completely recluse in my grief. 

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I cannot put into words my gratitude for the Essentia Health team. They helped us make memories and took pictures, created momentous, told us stories, and laughed and cried with us. Each one of them holds a special place in my heart. From the moment I stepped into the emergency room to the card they sent a couple days after we got home I felt nothing but love and compassion from every single staff member. The card was unexpected. When we opened it we expected a generic sympathy card with “I’m sorry for your loss” and a bunch of names. As I unfolded the card I burst into tears as I saw multiple hand written words of encouragement and sympathy. We read and re-read every single line. Trying our best to put faces to names. One particular line in this very special card was extremely important to me, “We will remember Rylie”. It meant the world to me. I didn’t want my daughter to be forgotten. I didn’t want her to be just another miscarriage or sad story. I want her to be remembered for her strength, for her perfectly imperfect beauty,

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In her short time on this planet my little Rylie taught me more about life than I think anyone has and I’ve met some really amazing and extraordinary people throughout this journey.

 

After a year and a half of grieving and utilizing my previous training in gestalt coaching to help myself heal the sadness, anger, emptiness, and hopelessness, Nathan and I decided to pay it forward. We were fortunate enough to have parental assistance in covering the unexpected medical and funeral costs for our daughter but we know not everyone is as fortunate. We know that not everyone wants to be as open about their loss and may not feel comfortable confiding in friends or family as we did. We know that not everyone has a background or training in how to grieve and may just shove it down and consistently live with the sadness and emptiness. These are things we are hoping Rylie's gift will help support and change. 

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This is our way of keeping Rylie's memory alive and sharing her story and her strength with anyone who needs it. Although I do not wish this pain on any person, if you are or have experienced a loss or know someone who has, I dohope you will join us on this journey.

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Take care,

Candice and Nate